Many of my friends asked me how is it feel being a mother - to be honest, I find it hard to answer.
Of course, the feelings are filled up with joys, rewards and wonderful surprises. It is more than that… the true is, I consistently found myself struggle between worries and tensions - has he got a fever again? Why is he sneezing, is he got a cold? Why is he so moody? etc etc… Many of these questions that I have to deal with daily… matter of fact, I’ve never found myself completely relaxed and enjoy motherhood since the moment he was born…
Is this what the motherhood should be like? Are all these feelings happen to other mothers?
Before I had him, I was free. I was fearless. I am in my element wherever and whenever. I feel strong and in control.
Being a mother, it made me feel fragile. I can sense the fear is eating me slowly and consistently, I feel I am out of my element most of the time, I feel weak and very little control.
It is not my baby made me feel this way. It is me, as a person.
I feel I am losing faith. Maybe I need a religion.
Is this what takes to be a mother? Then, there are still so much to learn.
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