Something meant to be shared 真水无香

          What changes when I have a baby? A better question may be: What doesn’t change? The writer and mom Rebecca Woolf has her list of things…

1. You finally stop to smell the roses, because your baby is in your arms - baby smell better than any fancy perfumes!!! 

2. Where you once believed you were fearless, you now find yourself afraid. - I know how that feels.

3. The sacrifices you thought you made to have a child no longer seem like sacrifices. - Absolutely agreed.

4. You respect your body - Yes.

5. You respect your parents and love them in a new way. - See, this does not apply on me, which I don’t feel proud of. I don’t feel I love my parents (or my mum) more or in a ‘new way’, in fact, I want to miniumize their involvement with Archie’s development . This feeling is very complicated … I will talk about it in another blog  

6. You find that your baby’s pain feels much worse than your own. - Very.

7. You believe once again in the things you believed in as a child. - I wasn’t allow to have my own beliefs when I was a child. And I guess this is one of reasons I don’t fancy my parents to get involved in Archie’s life.

8. You lose touch with the people in your life whom you should have banished years ago. - Painfully agree.

9. Your heart breaks much more easily. - Yes.

10. You think of someone else 234,836,178,976 times a day. - I try not to.

11. Every day is a surprise.

12. Bodily functions are no longer repulsive. In fact, they please you. (Hooray for poop!) - Yes! When Archie didn’t poop for two days, I realized how much I missed it! And how happy I was when I see them again!

13. You look at your baby in the mirror instead of yourself. - I look both - me and him.

14. You become a morning person. - I become a real superwoman.

15. Your love becomes limitless, a superhuman power. - I love him more than I could ever love.

And my version, for now…
 You’d rather buy a plastic tricycle than those shoes that you’ve been dying to have.

You don’t mind going to bed at 9 p.m. on Friday night

You discover an inner strength you never thought you had

You no longer rely on a clock — your baby now sets your schedule

You take the time for one more hug and kiss even if it means you’ll be late

You learn that taking a shower (not even a bath) is a luxury

          Archie is 5 months old now. He has been on total breastfeeding since the day he was born until now. I am proud of myself because it is a tough job and am proud of him because he is doing so well.

          But, my sense of self has suffered, I noticed.

          Let’s talk about mirrors first. A mirror has three main functions – for vain people; for self-check (you don’t’ to leave two days old sandwich on your cheek, don’t you?) most and firmest – for self assurance. Most of girls who like to look at themselves in the mirrors CONSCIOUSLY, in this case, are to find that self assurance, I believe.

          Here is what happened - A while ago, I don’t really look at myself in the mirror that often.  I don’t carry them in my bag everywhere I go. If I am going out on a special occasion, I will spend no more than 20 minutes in front of mirror to get myself ready. For daily outings, I will spend no more than 5 minutes. I am serious.  It is not that I don’t care about how I look; neither am I so secure. This is because I have an inner mirror.

          This inner mirror is very important to me. It is almost like a self-reflection. I know how I look like without looking at mirror. I know how I want to be look like and I will - I am self assured with this inner mirror. Even I didn’t wash my hair for two days, even I am wearing a most simple shirt, I know how I look like,  I know how I want to look like, and I know I will look like how I want to look like.

          I trust my inner mirror more than any real mirror. And I trust people who are attracted to me can see the ‘me’ that I see in this inner mirror.

          This inner mirror is kinda personal, kinda intimate. It is unshakeable, at least until now.   

          Recently, I’ve noticed that I’ve been increasingly looking at myself in mirrors; I know I am searching for that self assurance. This makes me feel a little sad, I am losing my self-trust, and self-reflection/image has become vague.

          I need to polish my inner mirror.

          I need to pick myself up before I fall.

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Isabel is half (only?) Aussie now, Yeeah mate!