Something meant to be shared 真水无香

          When you 30 something and you still celebrate your birthday in the club where you go every Saturday with bunch of people you don’t really care or love, the only activity of celebration is to drink until you pissed - that just shows how empty your life is.

          For those who replace their main meal(s) with certain supplements, I think you have miss a huge part of life and as a human being – we born to enjoy what mother earth has offered, combined with our creation and imagination. What’s the point if you can’t/hesitate (to) eat what you love, but drinking the formula that says it is ‘tailor’ made for your body?! We are not cars which fill up with formulated fuels. We are human with sensors – the color, the texture, the aroma, the taste, mostly the satisfaction nothing could possibly replace!

          On the other note – don’t blame the lifestyle. We don’t fit into our lifestyle, we create them.

          What made Facebook so successful is its openness, but most importantly, whoever checks our website remains secretly. Whereas, Friendster, one of good reason for people to switch to Facebook is that it will reveal whoever has visited your page. Think about it! Would you let that B*&% who steal your boyfriend to know that you have secretly check out her page?!

          I disagree that men generally have poorer skill of multitasking compare to women. It really boils down to how much you care and how desperate you are. Or put it in this way, women are just generally more willing to discover their potentials in various ways than men.

          Sex isn’t only way bring people closer; but it is fastest way.

          Only in these past couple of days, I started to look forward begin my day as a full time mother, before that, my day was just as chaotic as the night market in SS2.

          It took me almost two months to get the hang of being a mother, in a more logistic perceptive I mean (just changing nappies can be challenging, sometimes, we have to change 3 or 4 nappies in one go! Apparently he finds changing nappy entertaining, so he likes to pee and poo while we are changing.) And it took almost two months for Archie to understand and know how to appreciate what we do for him. He is bigger and more aware of his surroundings now, and he co-operating better. I learnt his routines, what he likes and dislikes by ‘trial and error’; he learnt to communicate with me not only by crying but smiling back! He doesn’t even need to be held as much as before (I feel a little hurt about this, so I still insist to hold him when I find him so irresistible. In the end, he happily protests in my arms.)

          When we know what we are doing, we started to enjoy each other’s company more! And I bloody love every second with him.

          Archie was sick over the last few days; a viral infection and bad cough, for the first time ever in his life, he had good battle with the nasty ‘human bugs’ in his little body.

          It was tough for both of us, he looked even smaller than what he is! What was so difficult for me is that watching him fighting the sickness, and couldn’t do anything about it other than be strong for him, giving him time to fight and recover.

          I wish I was the one that was sick.

          But of course, it doesn’t work like that. This is the reality side of life. And he has to learn how to face and deal with it, even so young. We get sick, we fight, we get stronger.

          However, on a more positive note, I know he is also building up his immune system.

          I know, there will be a lot of different kinds of challenges laying ahead of him that I won’t be able to help or replace but watching him handle them himself. That will be the true test for both of us..

          And this is only the beginning of the test of life.

          It feels so ironic that I give him a life, and brought him into this world, and he still has to figure out his life himself… …

          Someone said: “If you can pack light, you can live light.”

          I say: “How you pack is how you live.” Think about how we pack when we have to travel, from the style of packing to the preparation to the how much thought you’ve been putting into it, all of these will be a good reflection of how we live. This is because - it is one of few situations where full control is in our own hands.

          So, how do you pack?

          I am not ashamed to say the love for my baby didn’t come naturally the moment he was born. It’s rather like my love to him grows with every second he grows.

          I’ve learnt to love him.

          Having said that, the unconditional love lays in my instinct, every mother has that. The concept of ‘having him’, thinking and accepting ‘he was coming from me’ changes its meaning everyday, now the love is beyond just unconditional but soulful.

          God, I love him.   

          As much as I’m against routines, I think sometimes we should promote it.

          In my mind, I often associate routines with inflexibility and rigidity. But when I think about it, routines actually work well with something we can’t escape, like having a coffee first thing in the morning or washing your hair before you wash your body in the shower. When the routine becomes almost like our second instinct, it helps us to save time to think; it makes the process of doing things more efficiently, in some case, simpler. This idea could apply to anything, even something that is more complex, like work or raising a child. Think about our daily lives, there are plenty unbroken routines we follow, religiously. When we forgot the routine, that’s when things become messy and start to fall apart, which then leads to panic.

          However, we can’t get too comfortable with our routines, especially when we have had them for quite some time. To maintain the effectiveness of good routines is to constantly examine it, question it, and evolve it when we approach our life differently.

          Routines are like rules, which are meant to be broken when they don’t work for us anymore. But when you have a set of good routines, stick with them; it will do good for you. 

          The trick about routines are – flexibility, consistent development and to follow your instinct.

          Clothes should enhance, not define, your personality.

          … I kept the space spare but open, it would not only give me a sense of freedom but could provide a blank canvas for me to change the décor as I changed my approach to life…

          What is important in a dress is the woman who is wearing it.

          Archie has been difficult today, certainly not the first time – didn’t want to sleep until he was over tired, kept crying no matter how I held him, even my magic nipple has lost its magic power - that was when I got so distressed. Why no one has told me that there is these much of hard work behind every cute baby!

          I know well that when he cries, that means he needs something. But I just couldn’t ‘decode’ his crying after tried so many things, I felt so bad that I can’t even fulfill his simple needs as his mother. Watching him cried his lungs out, my heart broke few times and I can see myself slowly losing my patience. How can other mothers do it? How come they made it looked so easy. Why I can’t do it?

          …… He finally fell asleep in my arms after couple of hours crying. Suddenly, he became so peaceful and calm in my arms, I looked closely at his little face, relieved, and broke into tears…… oh my baby, I am giving you not the strongest but safest arms for you to sleep on, I am giving you my milk to let you grow faster, I am giving you my hands to comfort you whenever you needed, I am giving you my skin to warm you up when you cold, I am giving you everything I could to love you, guard you and comfort you. Please don’t cry, please trust me, please quickly learn that my arms is the safest place you could be …

          I suck up my tears and try to enjoy this moment of peace with him, because the next round of challenge may come at no time.

          I hate to say, but it is the fact that Archie and I are doing so much better after my parents have left. I simply have some space I needed and most importantly - peace of mind, it gives me more energy to focus on Archie and learn about him more closely. No more feeling of been judged and blamed, I can see things better and clearer.

          My parents did a good job to cook for me, they also did a good job to shaken my confidence to get to know my own baby; to confuse me with their twisted theories. Now, I can do things in my way, it feels not just good, it feels right.

          Recently, I caught myself in a dilemma of choosing should I focus more on myself or my baby. Being a hip mother, which I think I am, is to find a fine balance between these two rather than choosing either one. It is easier said than done. Like all the mums, I want to give my child the best of everything, he has my 100% commitment and attention; on the other hand, I don’t want to let myself ‘go’, I still want to keep myself up with the latest trends, I still want to be attractive and look good, I still want to spend time and catch up with friends, I still want to have a career of my own…..i still want to have a life.

          Question is – how can you do all of this?

          It’s difficult, speaking from my current experience. The balance is not just how you do things, what makes it difficult is the emotional part. For example, when I think of getting something nice for myself or desire bit of ‘me’ time, I can’t do it without any strings attached, I feel guilty somehow…when I let go my needs and desire and put him ahead of myself, I feel down and unsettled.  Once again, it is finding the balance.

          Of course, being a new mother, there will be some sacrificing, doubts, frustrations and questions that subject to answer. I quickly learnt that being a mother is also about constant struggle between love and guilt, give and take, happy and sadness, laugh and cry, ups and downs…

          The thought of things will get better keeps me moving.