Something meant to be shared 真水无香

          Just accepted a new offer from one of my current company’s competitors - a multinational research power house. I feel naughty.

          I have this ‘love and hate’ relationship with Firestar, always. It was where I started my career right after college. After more than 4 years of ‘married’ life with them, from a naïve but ambitious little girl to a ‘heavy weight’ senior consultant in the field (excuse my self-appreciation), I feel there is little ‘chemistry’ left to keep me here. I wanna jump. I need more room.

          The new role is not what I planned for myself. See, I never intentionally want to be a market research specialist and I am certainly not planning to be one forever. My true passion has never changed – to be a ‘life coach’ or counsellor of some kind. The new offer however, is good. There’s a 30 percent increment on what I make currently, coming closer to ‘my perfect 5 digits’ goal. I feel rewarded.

          I have to admit that I was lucky to start with Firestar, it has given me enough for me to ‘fly solo’. And don’t get me wrong, I am very proud of my job, it is a specialist type of job and the knowledge I gained throughout the years is widely applicable from branding, marketing, media planning, consumer insights, advertising to psychology, not to mention our client portfolios. I’ve grown so much in last 4 years professionally. And I always feel I’ve been protected by Firestar even at some lowest points or darkest period. But this protection has gone ‘sour’, they started to become afraid that I am growing too fast too soon.

          Like everyone else, my feelings are complicated when I think of changes and adapting to a new environment. But the decision has been made; I am open to any kind challenges and adjustments. I feel ready.

          For some reason, Madonna’s Jump occurred to my mind, and it says it all!   

"Jump"

There’s only so much you can learn in one place
The more that I wait, the more time that I waste

I havn’t got much time to waste
It’s time to make my way
I’m not afraid of what I’ll face
But I’m afraid to stay
I’m going down my road and I can make it alone
I’ll work and I’ll fight till I find a place of my own

[Chorus]
Are you ready to jump
Get ready to jump
Don’t ever look back oh baby
Yes, I’m ready to jump
Just take my hand
get ready to jump

We learned out lesson from the start
My sisters and me
The only thing you can depend on
Is your family
Life’s gonna drop you down like a limb from a tree
It sways and it swings and it bends until it makes you see

[Chorus]

Are you ready?

There’s only so much you can learn in one place
The more that you wait
The more time that you waste

I’ll work and I’ll fight till I find a place of my own

It sways and it swings and it bends until you make it your own

I can make it alone [repeat]

           Cyn and Andrea organized a baby shower for me last Sat - it  was such happy occation and …… very touchy. I feel so blessed that I am surrounded by these wonderful friends and I feel this baby is so blessed too.

          So many gifts, so much love.

          Having all of them celebrating my baby not-yet-started life, it gives me strength.

          I’d like to say thank you to all of you - for be here with me, for sharing, for your love…

          Suddenly, I realize that growth is accurately reflected by the gain and lost. 

          顿时恍悟，成长原来是玄妙的介于得与失间

          Pregnant women have image problem.

          You don’t believe it, try this:

          Close your eyes and think of a typical pregnant woman, what do you see?

          What I want to say to every woman is, don’t be afraid, we CAN do this differently, pregnant is not (or shouldn’t be) the cause of the change but your self-worth is. What you portray is how you see and weight yourself. Don’t make yourself typical.

          We are not celebrity mums, we are just ordinary mums without helping hands and we still can do this.

               Let’s show how a new age pregnant mama do it, differently.

          One thing I missed the most after given up the Carlsberg Brand Ambassador job is that I can’t ‘pick up’ someone I want that easily.

          See, I usual pick up line is ‘hey there, would you like to have some free beer?’ (when I’m sober) or ‘wanna have some fun .. I mean, parties with me?’ (Steph thinks these lines are lame, I said good pick-up artists do less get more.) With fresh phone number in my pocket, I feel absolutely guilty free, I often say to people, I am working and get to know hotties is in part of my job scope. I get things in my way most of the time.   

          Even if I got rejected, I won’t feel so bad, my rationale is  – I was doing my work. So the job was like blanket made me feel purposeful and free, it was like an open ticket.

          No more open ticket, mama, you gonna work your way through now! But hey, if it’s in you, you will always have it, right. ‘Wink Wink’

p/s: btw, ‘pick up’ is not about get laid, it is testing your charm

          We don’t have to choose either to use our rational or instinct, our heart or brain, because we don’t walk with one leg or see things with one side of eyes. 

          Hey hey hey, I just got promoted to ‘Research Diector’. My reaction was …. is this a joke?

          See, it’s not that I am not grateful, it’s just that my company is sooo small that they still play some kinda ’structure’ game. The title is not for me, it doesn’t justify my working experience and level (I wish I am); it is for the client, it looks grand … but, what’s the point?? If I am good enough, I will be recognized, just not in this way I’d prefer.

          Anyway, I am guessing they are doing this is that, they have ’sensed’ that I’ve been approached by few of our competitors (this industry is very small), this is their strategy to keep me..? Maybe? 

          The empty promise does not satisfy me that easily.

          At this very moment, I captured myself in the state of Zen - very aware of my own breath, as well as my surroundings. My thoughts are light and flowy…..

          Thought of the list for both my baby and labour, then I was thinking what will happen if I have got all the stuff from these list - will I have another new list? I hate lists, all these shopping list, To-do-list…but everyone needs them. I don’t consider myself a greedy person when it comes to material things, and also trained myself not to be perfectionist. So, my life so be easier.

          But that isn’t the case, is it?

          I like these kinda moments, you are thinking, yet you are not really thinking. You are relaxed, even though there still a lot to do.

          The moment dedicated to think where I am…

          No one has left any comments to my blog for quite a while, I wonder. Have all my friends  stopped reading my blog?

          Or it’s just no one is using friendster anymore, but facebook.

          Either way, I will continue writing.

          One day I stop writing is the day I stop thinking; the day I stop thinking is the day I vanish from this life.   

          I find it really hard to decorate the baby room, and the biggest issue is that I can’t find any references with my own early childhood – they are just so different.

          I’ve been brought up in a very unique environment. In my childhood, I didn’t have any, I mean not even one soft toys; no soft color curtains to match with soft color wardrobes; no disposable dippers, clothes and pacifiers that suit with different ages; no fancy formulas and vitamins – I have none of that, but I don’t feel I’ve miss anything. Instead, my favorite toy is my dad old gun that he has used in Vietnam war; my favorite bling-bling is my dad’s medal from wars and the beads from my mum’s bring-home-part-time-sewing work; I also made good use of nature, every leaf, fruit, bird, bug was my serious case study; my loyal mates who will do all sorta adventures with me; my dad’s crappy-self-made-up-bed-time stories; and of course, lot of discipline and discipline……I think I grow up, fine.

          Now, started from finding a right gyni, right hospital, right nutrients etc; then followed with finding the right color for the room, right theme, right lighting, right place to feed, to change etc……he hasn’t even arrive yet! I ask my mum – rising up kids seemed so much easier in the early days and she agreed.

          I realize, the unborn babies and new born babies haven’t change, the society has changed, it has become more demanding, same as the parents.

          When I realized this, I felt less stressed. I decided to slow down a little. The baby doesn’t know what he wants, all the stress was caused by a thought that ‘I thought I know what baby wants’.

          Forget about the soft toys and the hard facts, if I can grow up fine without any of this, I am sure he can too.