Something meant to be shared 真水无香

          I’ve been headhunted by two Multinational Research Power Houses last week, it happened almost simultaneously. This time is a little different than previous headhunt expereince - ISR, Tower Perrin, the position is what I have been doing all these while, so that means I can take up the role relative faster. They are both offer the managrial level and both have its own advantage.

          Let’s see… I think I am ready to move on…

Pregnancy has made me strong, yet vulnerable.

Strong enough to be a mother, to provide a shelter, to give, to love;

And yet, emotionally vulnerable, sensitive and generally afraid..

……….

I am afraid I am not wise enough to bring out the best in my loved ones;

I am afraid I am not enough of a ‘bigger person’ to accept the unavoidable flaws;

I am afraid I will suffer from my own expectations and decisions;   

I am afraid I am not kind enough to let go of unintentional mistakes and learn how to forgive and forget;

I am afraid I have too much ego to show my tenderness;

I am afraid I will drive away the purist love by my ambitions for perfection;

I am afraid the routine of everyday will diminish our great love;

I am afraid of the destructions, temptations and seduction that lurk around every corner;

I am afraid I am not strong enough to be the woman, the wife and the mother that I want to be;

I am afraid … …

I haven’t heard a decent story for a while until I watched this movie..

          Al and I attended our first pregnancy class last night!

          At first, the picture of these close-to-helpless-pregnant-women learning how to breath-in-and-out, nothing can be more dull, boring and cliché than that, can’t it! But I was totally wrong. The teacher is from UK, tender and calm; my fellow classmates are sharing one big commonality with us apart from being pregnant – we are all from different parts of world. I enjoyed it as soon as we started the class.

          This place made me feel that sense of ‘fit-in’ that I was longing since I was pregnant, I felt I was finally been heard.

          I can finally talk about how it like is to be pregnant to people who are not just sympathize, but with great understanding. I can finally talk about it without worrying that I said too much about me, or worrying that I might give a wrong impression - I don’t enjoy being a mum-to-be. My questions have been answered, my concerns have been addressed, my feelings have been reflected, and my experience has been shared.

          And that feels good!

Memory of a couple who lived their promise in their potential

          Recently I found out two dear friends of mine just filed for divorce. I was shocked.

          It’s my impression, even though they are young, they have been together forever. Their names had even become one, and it just feels so weird not mentioning one name without the other. I believed they were almost a perfect team.

          After listening to both sides of the story, I know no one is wrong. Really, there is no one to blame. She has grown out of him. However, whether is it a right decision or not, I can’t answer that, and I don’t think they can answer that either, at least not now.

          It wasn’t simply a matter of ‘expectation crisis’; it was a reflection of ‘love isn’t everything’. In almost a strange way, I can see me in her; and I can see her in me.

          She said, she doesn’t love him anymore. I thought it must be painful to say that out loud; and I guess a lot of things have happened in between of ‘falling in love’ to ‘falling out of love’, things that happen day after day, things that subtly left marks and stains. These things could also be beyond judgments of right or wrong by other people’s standards. Just things, slowly had driven them apart. In almost a strange way, I can see us in them; and I can see them in us.

          Love should not be just a ‘need’; it should be a ‘want’. She no longer ‘wants’ it.

          It is normal to list down the reasons for leaving him, but I said to her – these are not the triggers of what has happened, these are evidences of what you want.

          In the end, only one question remained - is it worth it to work on this relationship? Or should you move on? Guess this wasn’t a choice in our grandparents’ time, but it is now.

          Recalling one of our conversations at the beginning…

‘Wow! Great, you guys got engaged!’

‘Yea, I told him either we break up or we get married, I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.’

          I guess this revealed a little of what their marriage was built on …

          It is only natural yet painful to think this out loud - How long our marriage will last?

          43 years at least

          My tummy has grown up above my waist line, right up through my lungs; I wish I could move my breasts to the back so that my tummy would have more space to ‘develop’ further

         Some unidentified things will appear on my face every morning but I’ve stopped feeling shocked and just hope they won’t want to stay on my face happily ever after

          My toes have grown to size of Chinese sausages, all at one time and my legs are no longer sexy

          Shaving has gone from my daily routine to ‘only for special occasion’

          I remember more of what the toilets are like rather than the actual fancy restaurants

          I know so little about penguins but I certainly got their walking style

          My cats think we’re the same species, b’coz I nap as much as they do

          My walking pace can almost beat these Japanese tourists

At same time………

          The force of life inside of me is getting stronger with every passing day………