Something meant to be shared 真水无香

[2:09:32 PM] isabel zhang says: called Nichola

[2:09:45 PM] isabel zhang says: settled from my side

[2:10:11 PM] Dave Carpenter says: on Skype with her. seems happy with your contribution

[2:10:29 PM] isabel zhang says: thats’ great!

[2:12:25 PM] isabel zhang says: Do u think I can put up the office in China myself like Nichola in 2 years time..?

[2:13:02 PM] Dave Carpenter says: for sure! You would be ideal

[2:13:39 PM] isabel zhang says: yea, I use to hate the idea of going back to china

[2:13:49 PM] isabel zhang says: but after few projects there

[2:14:15 PM] isabel zhang says: I think I seem to have a good fit

[2:14:43 PM] Dave Carpenter says: lots of money to be made, if we get it right.

[2:17:45 PM] Dave Carpenter says: Nchola has a % of the ownership of Singapore. you could get some equity too. New biz will come if we are good enough and I can push the international sales for China if we have somebody based there

[2:18:12 PM] isabel zhang says: cool.

[2:18:23 PM] isabel zhang says: u mean I should really consider this?

[2:19:01 PM] Dave Carpenter says: I said to you when you joined that you could end up running China… so… yes!

[2:20:12 PM] isabel zhang says: what is timeline for this idea….

[2:21:51 PM] Dave Carpenter says: up to you

[2:23:44 PM] isabel zhang says: do u think I am adequate enough to run this show in china by myself ..?

[2:24:04 PM] Dave Carpenter says: with support from me…yes

[2:24:16 PM] isabel zhang says: even now…?

[2:24:27 PM] isabel zhang says: I still feel I have lot to learn…..

[2:24:56 PM] Dave Carpenter says: its not a very developed market. you would look very sophisticated there. Learn as you go…

[2:26:10 PM] Dave Carpenter says: I might make China my next project once Singapore is settled. We could launch it together

[2:26:29 PM] isabel zhang says: I like the idea.

[2:26:57 PM] Dave Carpenter says: mid 2009?

[2:27:05 PM] Dave Carpenter says: too soon?

[2:28:36 PM] isabel zhang says: prefect!

[2:30:02 PM] Dave Carpenter says: ok, learn as much as you can between now and then. I might get Nigel back if you move up there too

[2:30:36 PM] isabel zhang says: that means I will work with Nigel in China

[2:31:23 PM] Dave Carpenter says: he’ll be in HK but you would run China mainland

[2:31:38 PM] isabel zhang says: right

[2:32:16 PM] isabel zhang says: that sounded good.

[2:32:21 PM] Dave Carpenter says: you could do local projects yourself and Nigel or I would come up for international jobs, Firefish etc. need a ’round eye’ for them! But you would be the MD

[2:32:37 PM] isabel zhang says: yes. Definitely. I need both of your help

[2:33:16 PM] isabel zhang says: sounds good. I like progression, in general.

[2:33:53 PM] Dave Carpenter says: good. Keep it all in mind. I’m sure it can work very well.

[2:34:40 PM] Dave Carpenter says: you will need to train up a junior for KL as well!

          My tears of joy took me by surprise when we found out it’s a boy. It is not only that I wanted a boy, it’s just that I had quite few tears with worries and fears since I had him, and seeing him unstoppably growing day by day in me, it comforts me so much so that makes me feel stronger, as a mother. 

          “I told you it’s a boy!” I screamed at Al standing just next to me, and he had some tears in his eyes too.

          When you know what it is, you will know what to expect, everything become clear and certain. The connection therefore embraced. 

          I hope soon I can say – my worries and fears during this pregnancy is the reflection of ignorance and lack of faith in how a life comes to our existence. So I can laugh at myself, relived and learned.

          It’s strength of life.

          Few of my friends ask me excitedly “are you excited!” when they found out Al and I will be legally obligated to other each other soon.

          For a moment, I ask myself, “excited? No particularly. Is this the normal or common way that I should feel as a bride to be??”

          So how I feel - I feel normal. I feel right. I feel looking forward not just that day of registration but the future with him and a family I can call my own. 

          Then I think why I am not particularly excited? It could be that our love is never a passionate type; or it could be excitement comes with uncertainly and being scared, and these mixed feelings are what often happens to a young bride. That’s not us, I feel certain, and I am not scared of his hairy chest to lie on even when I am 70 years old, in fact, I feel safe, natural and at ease.  Another possibility which could be the most possible reason that I am not excited at level I ‘should be’ – we are doing things at the different sequence. All our attention went to the little life in me, therefore, it gives our marriage a different level and meaning.

          Ok, then, if that’s the case, yes, I am a little upset, this little bastard stole my thunder even before he has been born!! 

          I asked Al how he feels since our registration is coming closer, and it turns out that excitement also wasn’t in his description, phew!… I am glad he didn’t say that, as I’d feel very guilty if he felt excited and I didn’t.

          We feel the exactly the same. ‘But I might feel all excited and nervous and all that when the moment is here!” He added.    

          “Yea, I am thinking the same. And I want to find out how I could feel on that very day…” I thought to myself.

          Now it’s time to look for a name!

Courage (comes with motivation, patience and encouragement) 

Dignity (comes with understanding of self-respect and self-love)

Knowledge

          This is what we can teach him and eventually he could become, not expecting what he might be not. In other words, not judging or manipulating of his being in any circumstances. This is a promise.

             And Al’s wishes for the boy are threefold, simply that he be happy, healthy, and secure.

          Expect the things that he can learn, not the things in his nature

          Give what he needs, not what he wants

          Treat him fair, even if the world is not fair sometimes

          He will be rewarded and reinforced when he’s doing well, and he will be punished with a reason if he is ‘out of order’

          He will be deeply loved but not deeply spoilt

          He will have to earn what he wants, not ask for it

          He will have to learn to respect himself in order to be respected by others

          He will have to learn trust, responsibility and self-discipline

          He needs to have faith

          He needs to understand that when the world is cold sometimes, he has a place to warm him up - no matter what, a place called home

          He will grow up with joy, without unnecessary pressures

          He has to be independent

          He won’t be compared to, he just needs to learn to find himself along the way

             He won’t be picked up when he falls and cries, but he will have both hands offered to him the moment he stops crying

I shut my eyes in order to see 

                                               ——– Paul Gaugain

          “You better buy whatever you like for yourself, for once your baby is born; all you can think of is him…” I have got good hearted advice from a few mums, and the underlying theme of all this advice is saying, “hey hey hey, sorry, but too bad, once you become a mother, you and your world will change completely - you are no longer attractive and fun, you can’t enjoy yourself and you will never be free, and what’s worse, you will have no world that you call ‘self’!”

          Wait a second. Mothers, you mean you willingly give all this up, or you’re just too busy (or lazy) to fight, to plan, to think of yourself?!

          Well, yes, true enough When a baby is born, the average woman becomes chronically unselfish. Any mother would lay down her life for her children, and it’s quite natural to expect mothers to be perfect. Self-sacrificing, defying self needs and selfless … all these words are automatically related to mothers. It all about baby, baby, baby…….and yes, I will just become like one of these mothers.

          However, I want to do it differently.

          I want to still remain the world of self. It is very similar in a marriage, keeping sense of self just as important as to your man and to your baby. From there, your children will learn to respect you more. One of the main reasons to have a self is your outlook of motherhood. Motherhood is full of responsibility, to your baby and also to yourself. It is part of the growing process as a person; as a woman. It is a learning progression towards complete womanhood.

          By saying so, what I need to do is still look after myself even if that means I will have less budget to buy things for myself; never stopping learning, even from your child; have regular ‘me time’; traveling; learn to have break from motherhood; use what I learn from being a mother to make myself a better being as a whole.

          It‘s easier said than done.

          And motherhood will change you, but I do believe that you can still be yourself and be a great mother at the same time.

          I will make mistakes along the way, because I am learning too. Instead of using my authority to cover up my mistakes, I will apologize to you sincerely. And we can both learn to forgive.

          I have read a lots of pregnancy books by now, and most of the books only tell you that you will start experiencing ‘craving’ in your 2^nd trimester, but not a single book actually tells you why you experience it. So I had some theories of my own after combining what I know and what I hear – I think it is pure psychological.

          There are two roots for craving mums, firstly, mums might have tasted these food before and remembered, or they might have not tasted these food but somehow, they associated these food (or even the way of eating it) strongly with certain significant events or persons.  And these two roots don’t just stop there; they work together with mum’s memory, which stays either in mums’ conscious or subconscious mind.

          If it’s in the conscious mind, things are easier to explain, mums just fancy certain tastes that she had before or the food is reminding her of some places, person or occasions - this is most common ‘craving’; if it’s subconscious mind, then things can get interesting, even a little out of control! Some mums go for something they normally would have hated before, some mums go for things that are extremely weird and dangerous - I heard a mum wanted to eat charcoal for God’s sake! There is always a reason behind all these unreasonable behaviors - It could be she knows it is good for her and her baby even she hated it before or this food is related to someone or an event in the past she couldn’t remember in her conscious mind. In my case, I never fancy sweet food but now I do. Why I wondered -  I don’t eat sweet stuff is because I’ve been trained by my dad since I’m young, and now I like it sweet because it is like a treat… For those who stop eating their favorite food, my take is simply a way of ‘self defense mechanism’, mummy’s taste bud twisted temporally when you’re pregnant, food just doesn’t taste the same or as good as before. Then, you will just wait until all of this is back to normal after few months.

          Yes, I might have a reasonable hypothesis for craving, but I don’t have solid hypothesis for why pregnancy has such a big impact on mummy’s memory. What triggers it? Something physical, like Hormones? Or something psychological, like seeking comfort, or a treat, or both. It needs more research and I guess it is a good psychology PHD research topic for me in the near future!