Archive for September, 2007

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Giving an Opinion                                          

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General Lifestyle

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Concept of Image004Timing

Relationship with Others

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Reaction to Anger

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Q-ing up

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Concept of ‘Self’

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Weekends in the Mails

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When it’s Party Time…

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In a Restaurant…

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When feeling Sick…

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Ideal of beauty

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Travel time..

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When Facing problems…

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Three meals in a day

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Transportation …

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General lifestlye of Senior Citizens

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Time to take a shower

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The leaders…

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The Trends…

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Children

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Concept of each other

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          New couples always find fascinating things about each other, and they embrace these things, giving full credits (sometimes a little too much) to these things, they make each other feel good about themselves. Then it makes me wonder what happens to old couples.

          Al loves to cook and he will bug me what I think about his ‘genius creation’. First time, second time, even the third time I’d still say, “Oh darling, this great! How did you do it?!” even it was for the same dish again and again. After a while, I am tried of reacting to him ‘fishing’ for complements and I guess he is sick of trying to impress the same old person, it is no longer impressive for both of us. Soon or later, he found other ways to impress people, new people; he started to bring his cooking to work! That’s perfectly fine for me, like a friend of mine likes to say, “Whatever turns you on, baby!”

          The morale of story is simply this. We are all fishing for ‘feel good factors’ when we need to be embraced, impressed and recognized. It is harder to get these from someone who knows us inside and out. It is even harder to give these to someone we know inside and out.

          So, what we do? We still need the ‘feel good factors’, it nurtures our sense of well being! Matter of fact, mostly, we seek out; we get to know new friends, to impress them, to feel good about ourselves. Yes, we get the compliments we need, we will impress people who we were intentionally or unintentionally want to impress, and we even can make good friends with those who share the same level of passion or understanding. (Sometimes, we could also go beyond what we should do or shouldn’t do, I called it middle age crisis). 

          To me, nothing makes me feel better than a compliment given by someone who really really knows me.

          I’m still impressed by Al at lot of times, I just need to tell him. And I know, that can make him really really happy.

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             Cashback_movie_poster See, I’ve given up on most of the commercial films for a long time. I didn’t watch any of the Spiderman series, I didn’t watch Ghostrider, I am not interested in Little Miss Sunshine…they are just too non-conventional, somehow, too predicable.

          On the other hand, I pay a lot of attention to the films that are made by independent film makers or small film productions that have won a lot of infamous film fests. They will take me on a journey of discovery by completely surprising, of course pleasantly.

          And this film, Cash Back, it is about an untitled painter telling his a stage of life which captured in between reality and imagination. It was so beautifully written and beautifully acted. In this incident, I have to say that I enjoy British movie productions more than most American ones.

          So, I highly recommend this film to anyone who has a heart to capture, to search for meanings, and who is brave enough to live in between endless possibilities.

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          I didn’t let the cancellation of the trip to France and Spain affect me too much, and I thought I’d dealt with it pretty well.

          But looking in the depth of my feelings, I know it did hit me badly. I am sad, profoundly sad.

          I hate to say one of my dream trips was just ruined and it felt like someone just broke one of my wings; I hate to admit that there are so many restrictions in my life not because of who I am but because of what I am; I hate to say that life is unfair…

          Please allow me to be sad for this moment.

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If you struggle, people will sense your struggle;

If you fear, people will smell your fear;

So, face them, not to hide them.

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7107006_3 Good movie. You will find it rather profound if you are in a stable relationship.

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Round one

“No. 5”

“Hello,” I gave the lady who sat behind the glass window a big smile, “I’d like to apply for a visa to France for a short holiday.”

“Can I have your passport, please?”

“Sure, here you go…”

She flipped through the pages on my passport briefly…

“So, you are from China.”

“Yes.”

“And you are studying here?”

“Yes.”

“Is this your first time going to France?”

“Well, not exactly, I was in Italy and Germany last year, and I did get across the border to Nice for a day trip.”

She looked me with some sort of measuring look, and asks me in a suspicious way, “Who is paying for your trip?”

“Myself” I said it rather proudly. 

 

“Where is your income coming from?”

“I am working while doing my MBA.”

She didn’t seem impressed in any way and continued. “Where are your parents?”

“In China”

“What do parents do?”

“They have their own business” I feel the air is getting a little tense. Is this some sorta investigation? I wondered.

“It is quite difficult for a student to apply for a visa, but you can give it a try. I need few things from you.”

I was about to pass her the documents I thought she is going to inquire, because I did research before I got in here, plus previous experience with German Embassy, I thought I was well prepared…Without even look at what I’ve prepared, she continued.

“I need your birth certificate, and it needs to be certified. A copy of father’s passport. A letter from your father …..” The list went on and on …

“Is she trying to scare me away so she can less job,” I am guessing. This time I felt a little annoyed. I looked through each item, some were kinda ridicules. What the hell did they need my birth certificate for??

Anyway, I walked off without making any fuss and started to prepare whatever she asked for. It was going to take me a while to get all those things done. I thought Germans were tough.

Round two

I walked in with all the documents she required, but couldn’t quite explain why I found myself less confident than the first time. There she was, behind that glass, deciding my ‘destiny’. How can I make her loosen up? While I was figuring that out, my number was called, again.

I gave her an even bigger smile, “Hello, it’s me again!” She smile back, “Oh, that’s a good sign” I told myself.   

“Here are the documents you wanted.” I pushed them through the glass window, feeling a little relieved.

She looked carefully through all of them, asked me few questions. I paid the application fee. This round was rather smooth, I thought to myself. Now, I just have to wait.

Round three

No answer after 5 days and I am going to Bali for a company trip tomorrow, so I decided to pay the French another uninvited visit.

There she was. I was the only one in the room, and I gave her an ever brighter smile. “How was it?” I asked.

“Wait minute, let me check.”

I waited, a little nervous but excited.

“Sorry, your visa application is rejected..”

“What? Why??” I feel very intense.

“I am afraid I can’t give you any reason.”

“What? Why??”

She gave me a very French gesture, showing me that there is nothing she can do about it.

“Is anyway I can appeal?”

“Well, you can write us a letter. But it is not guaranteed”

“Could you give me a reason so I can work on it?”

“Sorry, I can’t.”

“So, what should I put in the letter then?”

“It’s up to you.”

“What the hell? You are not answering my question” I thought. I used my last bit of self control, and asked, “Please tell me what I can do from here. You know, I’ve already bought the air ticket…”

“Well, that’s not our problem.” She interpreted me.

I stopped asking, this was going nowhere. “Ok, I will write the letter. When do you think I will get an answer?” My thoughts raced at that moment, thinking about the little time I’ve left, thinking about the ticket, thinking about what I should do…

I am going to write the letter. Yes. I need to find out why.

Round 4

Here is the reply from French Embassy:

Dear Ms ZHANG,

You applied on the 24th of August 2007 for s short stay visa to France. I have taken good note of your appeal letter. It does not however provide significant new information that would reverse the decision taken. 

I regret to inform you that, in this type of case, French legislation provides that we do not have to give you the reasons of this refusal..

Yours sincerely,

Julie Argouarc’H-Tacon

(And the letterhead stated “Liberty, Equality, Fraternity” I wonder how true is that!)

          You see, I thought about this whole thing when I was in Bali. I am not upset or angry. In fact, I want to do something good in return, like a volunteer job. I believe things happen with a reason. Perhaps the timing wasn’t right. I don’t want to use this incident to against myself in anyway. A lot of other important things awaited me. Besides, I can go somewhere else, the world is too big to discover.

          Only one thing annoyed me, that they didn’t give me a reason for rejecting my visa application. Could it be my nationality? Could it be that my student visa only had a few months left on it? Could it be that they believed I didn’t have sufficient money to support the trip? Or was it that the Ambassador was having a bad day and I was just unlucky? What was it?

          The answer will forever remain unknown. I don’t even know where to improve. That’s unfair. Yes, I lost my battle with the French, this time.

          Now that I’ve got my work permit, I will apply again with a whole new status. It is not about whether I can visit France or not. It is about my pride.

          As Al said to me, traveling is food for my soul.

          Guess the battle is still on.

          I’d like to say thank you for those who helped me for this matter – Claudi, it was very sweet of you to apply the invitation certificate in France and post it all the way from France to me. Al’s French friends who try to appeal the case for me. May who helped me with all the documents. Fabio who postponed his business trip because of my visit in Spain. And a few other friends in Spain and France who were expecting my visit, I know you guys have planned a lot of stuff for me… last but not least, Al, thank you for giving me hope and letting me see that it is not an embarrassment I should bear with.

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            My work permit just got approved!!!

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          Suddenly, I realized, how much we really can have is only how much we can hold in our hands. Nothing more.

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          Some statistic has shown that about 37 million men won’t be able to find a wife by year 2020 in China. This is due to a gender imbalance caused by the one child policy.

          I think I should go back to China, so I’ll be able to have 5 husbands at the same time. I anticipate that the government will make this legal since they are so good at using laws and force to make things ‘right’ (in at least another 30 years).

          So, ladies, consider to pick a few husbands in China with me?   

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