Something meant to be shared 真水无香

        I finished this book over the weekend and I enjoyed every  page of it. It talks about "Quarterlife Crisis" that almost every twentysomething is going through in a very insightful way…It has 26 real live stories from 26 different great writers.

         "…Twentysomething can’t be in crisis!" "When you have your youth and freedom, you have nothing to complain about."

         "If that’s your reason for dismissing a Quarterlife Crisis." I reply, "then how can you complain about a midlife crisis when you have a spouse, a car, a saving account, and a backyard with a pool?"

          I’d like to dedicate this book to my dear friend Andrea and all my 20-ish friends (also some 30s), you will find the comfort and understanding your needed all this while in this book…

     Dear all, my phone has been stolen last night. Could you leave me your number, please? I’ve replaced my sim card, so my number remain the same. You will be able to get me once I get a new phone, soon.

People, check out this!!! You will be very happy to see what you are about to see..hehe.

Tip: try to click on the projector in the center!!! It leads you to where you suppose to go ; )

          Last night I had an emotional break down the first time for a long time. I can’t remember the last time I cried so hard .. unbearably frustrated, overwhelmed, feeling helpless and trapped in the useless darkness.

          I didn’t even know I was under stress for awhile till’ I noticed my period hasn’t come for almost three months. Sometimes, I thought I can bear with more stress than I thought I could. I always think life has been treating me very well. So, I asked myself, what am I stressed of?!

          Before things run out of the hand last night, me and my usual MBA gang were having a good time in Carlsberg lounge. My ‘boss’ came up to me and made comments that the people, who I invited for this event, are not ‘impressive’ enough. A wave of embarrassment and rejection rolled right over me, I became very defensive – my friends do not deserve to be judged in that way! They are who I choose to have a good time with, I respect each them just as how they respect me. They are all highly successful individuals in their own field. They are fun and real. I adore and am proud of them. 

          But then, I can’t blame my ‘boss’, it is a job in the end of the day. It is my job to be more specific. And I agreed to trade off my usual judgments to casual lies and games as part of it, I have to make myself to see and to be seen, to have fabulous parties and surrounded by fabulous friends. Bullshit. I am not having a good time. It ain’t real.

          So, I am stuck, this job is giving me the fuel to live free. But yet, it has also left me with insecurities and extra responsibilities.

         Since I have finished my MBA - one of the milestones in my life, besides continue to perusing ‘the mean of life’, it is a good time to really think what I’m gonna do in a year or so. I had to-do list in year 2005 - when I look back on it, I have done most of them and that gives me a great sense of accomplishment. Yes, I need some sorta guidance, if not I will be like a wild horse, completely out of control. 

You-can-do-this

• Get my driving license as soon as my company get the work permit sorted out
• Start my golf lessons with pro Robin, and go to the driving range at least once a fortnight

Health and Well-being

• Get a full body check up, soon
• Get a proper insurance
• Lose some weight, ideal 45-47kg, keep myself healthy and fit

Steps to become a true ‘citizen of the word’

• Travel to Australia the third quarter of 2007for 2 weeks at least, plus skydiving in Sydney
• Visit my hometown in China the third quarter of 2007
• Travel to Spain in the second quarter of 2008 to visit Fabio for a month
• Travel to Egypt in the third quarter of 2008 for a week

Self-improvment

• Continue reading (at least one book every two months) and writing
• Start some form of volunteer jobs to give back to the society

Financial Freedom Cliches

• Saving
• Start some investments and looking for 3 year (or shorter) return
• Find a new job that giving me more room to grow in the end of 2007

          I know these things are rather short term, there are bigger things I need to figure out while exploring the world together with that someone, sooner rather than later – taking care of my parents, a PR, marriage, starting a family, perusing a master (PHD?) in psychology in order to become a life-coach etc etc…As for now, this list should be able to sustain me till’ end of 2008 I suppose.

How to read this map??

It’s reflecting my current life(style/stage)…

The closer you are to the center of ‘My world’, more involved you are to my life…more dedicate I am to you…

You are important to me if you find yourself on the map…

I have also reserved some speical ‘corners’ in my memories for those who can’t find themselves on the map… though you might not so involved to my life right now, you are not forgotten. 

When you buy condoms, don’t get embarrassed. If anything, be proud. It shows that you are responsible and confident and when the time comes it will all be worthwhile. It can be more fun to go shopping for condoms with your partner or friend. EXCUSE	ANSWER
Don’t you trust me?	Trust isn’t the point, people can have infections without realising it
It does not feel as good with a condom	I’ll feel more relaxed, If I am more relaxed, I can make it feel better for you.
I don’t stay hard when I put on a condom	I’ll help you put it on, that will help you keep it hard.
I am afraid to ask him to use a condom. He’ll think I don’t trust him.	If you can’t ask him, you probably don’t trust him.
I can’t feel a thing when I wear a condom	Maybe that way you’ll last even longer and that will make up for it
I don’t stay hard when I put on a condom	I’ll help you put it on, that will help you keep it
I don’t have a condom with me	I do
It’s up to him… it’s his decision	It’s your health. It should be your decision too!
I’m on the pill, you don’t need a condom	I’d like to use it anyway. It will help to protect us from infections we may not realise we have.
It just isn’t as sensitive and I can’t feel a thing	Maybe that way you will last even longer and that will make up for it
Putting it on interrupts everything	Not if I help put it on
I guess you don’t really love me	I do, but I am not risking my future to prove it
I will pull out in time	Women can get pregnant and get STDs from pre-ejaculate
But I love you	Then you’ll help us to protect ourselves.
Just this once	Once is all it takes

          We went to a legal briefing in Phillip Morris this morning; I can’t stop thinking what the whole purpose of it is. We have been ask to differentiate between two questions:

         "Why do you want to smoke?"

         "Why do you want to smoke Marlboro?"

          If you know the difference between these two questions, then you understand the struggles and dilemmas between legal acts and marketers of cigarette companies. As qualitative market researcher, we are stuck, powerlessly, creatively/manipulatively, in the middle of them.

I am not sure how to put my feeling into words, because I wasn’t prepared for what he was about to tell me……

"I hate Americans, they destroyed my country." 

"Well, let’s not generalize like this, there are good people in America …"

"I know…do you know actually there were more than 50 Americans killed during the day in Iraq, but no news reported on that!" 

……

"FBI wants my bother because of his job - my dad is very influential back in my country but he has been forced to leave the country and move to Dubai, but he is still on the wanted list." Apparently his bother is one the top personnel in Al Jazeera, I was quite shocked that behind his brother’s glory of his power in one of most critical TV broadcast in the world, there is such danger to bear with everyday…   

"I don’t trust people anymore, I’ve been betrayed not only by Americans, but also by my brother courtiers - Iraq is the door to the middle-east, that’s why all of them are eyeing us!"

"My two uncles have kidnapped and killed by Americans…."

"…and now they want me, they will kill me if I go back to Iraq now, because I am young and I might have a ‘future’, and they are really scared of my papa’s connection…." 

"I went back to my country secretly in 2004. The moment I stepped in, I can feel the whole city was crying…half destroyed buildings were everywhere, there are fears in people’s eyes everywhere I look…."

"I want revenge."

"Fly a plane into some other buildings?!" I ask, and at that moment I realized it is so easy for ‘us’ to classify ‘them’ as terrorists. But we have this immediate reaction without actually knowing the realities they face – cultural differences, repressions, anger, fear and hope from this nation…

"No, I want become the resident of my country when I am 48."

"Become the next Saddam??"

"No no! I don’t agree lot of things he did. I hated him at one point, but I admire his personality; very strong, no one can tell him what to do, not even Americans.’

I felt the conversation become very heavy… "Hey, I am so sorry for what you are going through….I can’t imagine if I’m in your situation.."

"It feels good that I can talk about it after such a long time…..thank you."

I couldn’t sleep after this, with my very limited knowledge of what’s really going on in that part of world, I still feel the deepest empathy for him. He comes from a very unique family background, a very unique era, a very unique situation. He is alone and lonely, fear is only what’s accompanying him day and night……he has the drive and hope, he wishes the best for his country. He is young with an ensured future. He is angry, he is fierce, and he is almost dangerous. But, it is like chicken and egg syndrome– who is to blame!!!