Something meant to be shared 真水无香

        I can live in KL in the way I wanted. That’s one of the most charming things about KL.

          Al recently joined a networking marketing thing called USANA. My perceptions on this sort of direct selling generally are not that enthusiastic – pardon me. Anyway, I opened his selling manual booklet - here are some of the stuff in it that made me laugh, surreptitiously - 

Daily Tasks

…

Read your goals, and visualize your dream;

Listen, watch, or read 30 minutes of personal material each day;

…

Personal Development Reading Material

…

Rich Dad, Poor Dad, by Robert Kiyosaki (C’ome on, who’s your Daddy??)

The One Minute Millionaire – The Enlighten Way to Wealth, by Robert G. Allen (WooHoOO!)

Think and Grow Rich, by Napoleon Hill (Think hard, and grow harder, baby!)

The New Dynamics of Winning, by Denis Waitley (I wanna winnnn…nn!) (Sorry.)

…..it goes on and on…

          I feel sorry for Al that I took pleasure reading these direct selling clichés, I know I should be more supportive especially because he is trying to take charge of his financial situation and improve it. I just couldn’t stop picturing these aggressive ‘high achievers’ give their motivational talks to tons of desperate people who are seeking for sense of ‘belonging’, support and recognition. No matter how good the product or how profitable it is, it’s, to me, one word – dodgy.  

          I promised Al that I will try these facial products and spread words to my friends if I find that they’re good. Let’s give this whole thing the benefit of doubt; I might gain a whole new perceptive about direct selling, especially if Al’s enthusiasm is leading him to the future success, guess no one would lost.

          I am secretly counting how long his enthusiasm will last.. haha. Forget about keeping his feet on the ground, it is time for me to nurture his ego and respect his decision. You go, baby! Good Luck! 

          Later, when I found out he is nothing compare to my last ‘affaire d’amour’, I break up with him, mentally.

          Don’t blame me, blame the game.

         

          The longer I am staying apart from Al, the more I have taught myself to be independent and detached from him. But every time I see him and spend time with him (although sometimes I might need a long time to warm up to him), the way he looks at me… the way we talk reminds me how dear he is to my heart – I know I love him.

          I enjoy the total freedom when I am staying by myself, but at same time, I am so afraid I might ‘fall out’ the love for Al. The only thing I haven’t quite figured it out is the cause of it - is my own self-defense mechanisms* or is it that our love has become tedious …

          There are things about him I still learn to accept. Though this is about relationship, it reminds me of the ‘law’ of discover a truth – denial and think everything is beautiful which is the ‘honeymoon’ period of love; often get into arguments once the honeymoon is over – it is the time you two start to know each other really - which is the stage of anger; then come to the ‘trade off’ and adjustments which known as the compromising stage; then ’see through’ lot of things because enough past experiences has been built up in a relationship; finally come to the acceptance  of the way it is.

          I can’t deny that the large portion of me wants to settle down with him, indeed, he has grown so much in this past two years. But, deep inside of me I’m feeling restless, I know somewhere and somehow, either this relationship or my life in general is not fulfilling me.

          I really want me and Al to work out, I think it might be time for me to move back……   

*in this case, the self-defense could be when I know you have something, totally. I am naturally afraid of losing it. Therefore, I try to get rid of it before I think I might lose it. Or, I’d rather to get hurt then cause the pain for both parties.

        

          I had a dream that I was pregnant! It was so real that I could actually feel a life in my tummy!! Another thing I could record was I didn’t feel happy but rather unpleasant. Neither there were any excitement of being a mum nor feeling welcoming a life in the dream… but I was trying very hard to protect the baby, though I was struggling about something which I can’t really record…

     People, check out this Last.FM. site, you will really appreciate it if you live and breath music…! It is a music revolution!!!

I finished this book in 3 days!!! Brilliant! Painfully funny…Very British..

We went to Singapore to celebrate Al’s b’day last weekend. Stayed at Al’s old mate’s place with three great kids - Tasha, Max and Luca and they are 9, 12, and 6. Andre is a single Dad, he just moved down to SIN recently, his young wife left him with these three kids for a young guy two years ago…I was quite anxious thinking about spending time with kids, I wasn’t sure I will be good at it, but it turned out to be a great fun!

I really feel for these kids…especially Tasha, she is the only girl in  the family, it might be hard for her to adjust to the whole situation even it has been years…

…Looking out the bus window with Winter Chill in my ears…this was the last part of memory to you. I feel sad I still try to feel how I feel. Turned around and looked at Al, put my hand in his palm, he is with me, now…

Friday

Went out for a big night – we started at BB’s in Clark Quay, and then moved to Barfly. It was crowded with  expats and young, good looking models (both guys and girls). While waiting for TJ (Andre’s mate), Andre introduced us to some of his social friends – hot, young models. The girls are quite friendly, but the guys are very snobby … it is a great bar, very stylish everywhere you look, but shadows of shallowness and pretentiousness float in the air.. hardly breath.. wasn’t really fun.

I have to say some of the clubs in Clark Quay are really cool – creative and pay attention to the details.

A Friend guided us into the VVIP room in M.O.S. where you can overlook the entire main dance floor. There are four different chambers in the  M.O.S. playing house, R&B, Techno and 80s. We settled in the 80s in the end! Good fun!

Can’t believe we came home at 5am. Completely shattered! Haven’t done this for a long time.

Saturday

Woke up about 2pm, half day has already gone! Went to grocery shopping with Andre, brought Tasha with me. Trying to be a big sister and bought her some treats - girl’s stuff like lip gloss, little cute pin for hair, some hair band and stuff. She enjoyed it, and I was right, she is a little lost. “Do you miss your Mum?” “Yes” she answered, with some tears in her eyes, and she try to hide… long silent… “Is more fun to be adult or kid?” she asked. “For me..err..adult!” “Why” “Well, you can work and make money, then you will be more independent and you will also have more freedom, most  importantly, you will be able to afford air ticket, and visit your Mum in Australia anytime you want!” I winked at her. She laughed, “I want to grow up!” “Oh, you will, you will my darling!”

Sunday

Went to east coast for a day out with the whole family. After cycling, we settled down in an Irish pub for brunch. Got a little cake for Al and sang the birthday song for him in the pub, he was bloody embarrassed, kids had fun though!

The kids kissed my cheeks and said good-bye.

That was the weekend away… I feel contented, yet little empty…

           I completed my MBA, finally!!!

          I turned the opportunity to a reality last night. And I am glad. He is a perfect lover.