Something meant to be shared 真水无香

I remember this famous scene in Titanic – “save the women and children! Let them get on the life-boat first!!”

As a woman, I feel very privileged, especially in that kinda extreme incident. On the flip side, it also makes me think – does it mean an adult’s life or men’s lives are worth less?! Why do we have to save women and children’s lives in the first place, just because they are weak? Why not save the strong ones? It is not about weak or strong, we are talking about saving lives!

If there really is an end the world, and there is a Noah Ark, doesn’t it make more sense to choose the best/strongest instead of the weakest?

If I have to put myself on Titanic or these kinda dramatic situations with my loved ones, how can I let a 60 year old woman take my lover’s seat on that rescue boat?! Even if I’ve survived, how can I live after an irrational and forced separation from my loved ones?

What is the measurement for you to weigh a life? Whom to save? Who shall have the privilege to live?

I inspire to be a graceful host in a fabulous house party since I was little. Whether it’s from a TV show or a friend’s mother, I picture myself to be a really good host one day when I have my own place. I like the idea of gathering with people who I care and love, and sharing quality time together. Recently I think I’ve come to an age that I am capable to make all of this happen.

After a couple of ‘experiments’ with my dear friends, I can see my potential to be a good host. But it can be really hard at times, for instance, it is not so easy to satisfy everyone’s requests, demands and expectations. There are so many things you have to take into consideration - the preparations before the party, socializing during the party and dealing with the emptiness after the party. Some times, I’d rather there are less people in a party so I will be able to engage more with my guests.

After few BBQ, Bikini, and potluck parties, I’d like to try few more things for my next house party, something exciting or intimate….let’s wait and see =)

So, what does it take to be a brilliant host – dedication to the logistical planning, creation of party decorations, menu and programmes, patience, communication, a defined theme or purpose for the party. Of course, there’s gratitude to your guests, and most importantly, a heart to make your guests feel not only comfortable with a sense of belonging, but special as well.

(An honest open mind is required)

Some good friends of mine jokingly say that my preferred profile of a man is that he has to be ‘white’. Laughing with them, I understand where they are coming from. Indeed, going out with Al for over fours year, plus observable personal preferences, I believe this is not first time I’ve been ‘judged’ in this way. There was one time I was even accused by a dear friend of mine with a very ‘glamorous’ title – SPG (Sarong Party Girls).

After laughing with them, it made me think – in some circumstances, it is true. That’s why I didn’t mind if the statement about my profile is from general observation instead of an insult. And how did is this happen? Asking myself, without being defensive, or offensive, I do think there are deeper layers to peel…

My side of story: 

            First, it got to be the physical attractions. As a matter of fact, ‘whites’ generally have a ‘size’ that makes you wonder….haha….. sorry.

            Open-mindedness – this is on two levels; the first level, ‘Whites’ generally understand the art of controlling their partner. Therefore, they generally handle me better.

            Secondly – their acceptance of others. The ‘others’ here means people who are not ‘their kind’. Let me give you a classic example: if a Malaysian meets me for the first time and asks me where I come from, I may lie. I don’t feel comfortable enough to tell them I am from China and in turn let their minds wonder in their stereotypes. Yes, I can be truthful and say out loud I am from China, and hope that some people are not that ignorant. But not all time, and sometimes I do feel tired of ‘fighting’ with their rather unfair pre-judgments. What’s the point? On the other hand, if an expat meets me and asks me where I come from, yes, without a second doubt I will firmly say – I am from China. It is all about feeling comfortable of being myself, in Malaysia.

            Self-improvement – I don’t want to sound too lame, but I do learn a lot by talking to these ‘whites’. Cultural insights, people, perceptions, and real life values, as well as communication skills…most importantly, despite they are ‘white’ or ‘black’, European or American, Australian or New Zealanders, these interactions have helped me to interpret people without a boundary! I not only gained a friend, but also some general knowledge.

‘Other’ side of story:

            I have couple of questions in mind; please don’t feel offended, or be defensive, only you have the true answers for these questions. (I realized, most of the time, I don’t feel I’ve been judged by the Indians or Malays, but some of the local Chinese, this is a whole new topic that I am interested in), anyway, here you go…

            Complexes?! We judge people all the time and let’s face it, there is certain level of racist in all of us, even if some might be in our subconscious mind (this can be proved by IAT). This is directly linked to my ‘complex’ point - Do you think the ‘whites’ are somehow superior to you?! From personal experience, most of the indigenous populations in previously colonialised lands have this complex. I started to be convinced that Malaysian Chinese are the most complexed ethnic group that I have ever experienced. Historically, they escaped from mother land China; traveled to a foreign land; plus under supervision by the ‘whites’ in the past hundred years; and more recently, surviving under undeniable favoritism to the Malays - most of them have a problem of self identity. “Do you call yourself a Malaysian or a Chinese first?” This is a typical debatable question that Malaysian Chinese have to face. So, before concluding anyone as a SPG, you probably want to look into your own set of complexes first.

            Self-security issues: do you feel threatened by the ‘whites’ on certain levels (I am not only talking about size)?

Fantasy? Let’s be honest, by exploring the internationalized entertainment systems, it includes porn, Hollywood, expats, internet, MTV, etc etc… have you ever fantasized about a white or black or girl or guy before? If yes, the only difference between you and me is, I rather put my fantasies into action rather than sit there and just fantasize about it.

I don’t want to go to the whole inter-racial relationship cliché, because I feel some of the stereotyping is not even up to that standard yet. The bottle line is, for me, the profile is my profile, and it is entirely up to me to set the rules or manipulate.

I ask myself, can I see myself with a Chinese guy in a relationship- irregardless of two failed relationships with local Chinese in the past - I can’t see why I should seal off the possibility of being with a Chinese guy who is open minded, cultured, confident, sociable, generous, smart, loyal, stylish, plus has a good body.

p/s: everyone has their set of complexes to work on, and that includes myself.

Pp/s: It is all about a true open mind.

“There is a lovely golf course in Cameron!”, with that, Al and I were more convinced to join the Carlsberg gang to have a weekend get away. It is my very first time play on course, with Al. We played for 9 holes, it was brilliant! I only lost three balls; it is not bad for a first timer hahahe! There is lots of room for me to improve my swing, it wasn’t stable enough, I know, and Al knows, I could done so much better… the green was really rough after heavy rain, it was a tough course… anyway, it is a really effective way to understand the ‘cause n’ effect’ factors on golf course.

            I had a great “only me & you” time with Al. As for my reward, I got dozens of famous fresh Cameron’s roses on the way back, it was also the one of promises I had for myself eight years ago after my first visit to Cameron.

            I am all happy. Al was great, not only for being himself, he also helped me went through the trip I wasn’t over enthuse at first! 

Had an interview with Emirates Airline this morning. Walked into the second main lobby in Renaissance hotel, it filled up with all kinds of wanna-bes (just like me?!). Because I was short listed, so I managed to cut that long queue, and went into the waiting room straight. I felt a little uncomfortable with all the eyes on me when I stepped in the room; I’ve been clearly measured from head to toe by all these girls.

Sited and waiting to be called. It was quiet, no one was talking, and most of them looked very serious, some rather proud. While I was waiting, some questions just keep popping up to my head again and again – why am I here? What am I doing here? Why do I have to compete with these girls?! Most importantly, I realized - I have a life even before I stepped in this room.

After an hour or so, my turn. It was a group discussion with a given topic and the topic was - if we were the interviewer, what are the three top qualities we should look for in a potential candidate. We have been given a short instruction by a (and only) Chinese guy, and the discussion started under his supervision.

Come on, I am a trained moderator, hosting a group discussion is what I do for living. Naturally, I became the central of the attention during the entire discussion. Only difference is I allowed myself to give personal opinions this time ….giving ideas, ask for opinions, reinforce, recognitions, smile…..The answer isn’t important, the communication skill is. While I was doing my normal moderating routines, and looking at my ‘respondents’ who suppose be my competitors, at that very moment, the questions that I had early in my mind came back again. I feel, no offense, maybe I have too much brain for all of this. I was wondering I might be even smarter that the guy who is interviewing us, (sorry)..

I think I did ok. The second interview is on the November 12.

Now that I think back, what so wrong about it was, I felt so powerless with that environment, the procedures and the whole set up. But what is even more scare about it is that it is only a start, if this is what I am after…

          Friend of mine sent me these links, find it cool, check it out!

• http://www.camitzvodka.se/
• http://blingh2o.com

          Aw, the head of our MBA department, replyed my mail… from there, you can pretty much get a sense of how fun can it be to study and hangout with these ‘jokers’ from 17H …

Dear anak-anak murid
In the likely event that I’ll be there for a bit, I would like to bring along some (real) bread and wine for supper
Dr Cheong who once received an e-mails from a couple of your 17H buddies, informed his associates that he has students who call themselves "stiffy" and "dick man", and another man named Su!
Can die!
K H Aw

          Hahhheheh…. I am just wondering who ‘dick man’ is?

My beer guzzling blog readers should really enjoy this. Give her an order!

          Few weeks before the langkawi trip, Zetuan asked me to choose a hotel out of three. Base on Zetuan’s description, without thinking too much, I suggested one of it with its own private beach.

         When we reached the hotel last Friday, I realized it was the same hotel where me and Cow stayed four years ago. What so bizarre about this is, it was where i saw ’shooting star’ the very first time in my life, and there were eleven of them crossing the dark sky in front of my eyes one after another!

          I secretly made a wish, on the same beach four year ago.

          The wish has become true after years - and I hold it very closely to my heart. Now, after all, sitting on the exactly same place on the beach where I saw the falling stars at that night all myself, it just makes me feel so amused, it feels like ’something’ has bought me back to where everything started…

          Every end is a new start.   

My 2nd home - TSB, 12.10.06. 8:47pm

Me:        Do you think I like to be in control (in a relationship)?

Richy:     No.

Me:         No?! (I was expecting a firm ‘Yes’.)

Richy:     No. The way I look at it, you’d rather prefer to be perceived to be in control.

Me:         Perceived?! How is that so?

Richy:     You’d rather like a man who be able to control you a little, you don’t like to be forced into control, unless you have to.

              You like a kind of man who can control you. Or I shall say, you allow him to take the ‘control’.

Me:         Speechless…. Cheers man.. how long have you been know me again?