Something meant to be shared 真水无香

         In the world of Branding, like it or not, perception is reality. Give up your fixation one the facts (the what), and be fanatical about your audience’s (the why).

         Management : *8 Monkeys(This is based on an actual experiment conducted in U.K.)

         Put eight monkeys in a room. In the middle of the room is a ladder,leading to a bunch of bananas hanging  from a hook on the ceiling.  Each time a monkey tries to climb the ladder, all the monkeys are sprayed with ice water, which makes them miserable.  Soon enough, whenever a monkey attempts to climb the ladder, all of the other monkeys, not wanting to be sprayed, set upon him and beat him up.   Soon, none of the eight monkeys ever attempts to climb the ladder.

         One of the original monkeys is then removed, and a new monkey is put in the room. Seeing the bananas and the ladder, he wonders why none of the other monkeys are doing obvious. But undaunted, he immediately begins to climb the ladder.  All the other monkeys fall upon him and beat him silly. He has no idea why.

         However, he no longer attempts to climb the ladder. A second original monkey is removed and replaced. The newcomer again attempts to climb the ladder, but all the other monkeys hammer the crap out of him. This includes the previous new monkey, who, grateful that he’s not on the receiving end this time, participates in the beating because all the other monkeys are doing it. However, he has no idea why he’s attacking  the new monkey.

         One by one, all the original monkeys are replaced. Eight new monkeys are now in the room. None of them have ever been sprayed by ice water. None of them attempt to climb the ladder. All of them will enthusiastically beat up any new monkey who tries, without having any idea why.

         This is how any company’s policies get Established.

"Believing that the growth of the human spirit is the end of human existence, I am obviously dedicated to the notion of progress."

No matter how different I think I am. I still believe, as a woman, having a child(ren) will make my life complete. I used to often wonder ‘can I be a good mother’. Every time when I spotted someone having a good time with their babies it made my heart melt with envy. The thought of having my own child makes me excited yet terrified. One reason is that for me, myself, I didn’t grow up in an ideal parenting environment, and I took a long time to fix my ‘pieces and puzzles’.

I realized that I started to prepare myself for parenthood after a night conversation with a dear friend. I tried to form my idea of parenting. I truly understand how powerful parents can be in impacting a person’s entire life. Some adults never grow out of their parent’s shadow, therefore, they never grow up internally. Most of us have baggage from our childhood. All of this makes me feel how much responsibility I have to have a child of mine.

What can I give my child? – my values, my understanding of life? How can I be sure the way I see the world should be the way she/he sees the world? How can I handle my weakness in front of my child; should I hide or should I be honest? Can I be brave enough to tell them I might not be as perfect as they wish?

Often we attempt to manipulate the world so as to make it conform to our view of reality to our children. In my opinion, good parenting is not only an extension of ourselves, but also to grow with them. Learning from their children is the best opportunity most people have to assure themselves of a meaningful process. Sadly, most of us do not take this opportunity. I understand that children will eventually over grow from my supervision, and I understand the most difficult thing to do is to let them go…

I think, I am ready to be a mum.

QingChao:        “I wanna put my children into the best school”

Me:                  “Why you wanna put your kids into the best school”

QingChao:        “So they will be able to find a good job!”

Me:                  “After finding a good job?”

QingChao:        “Err… then find someone to love and have their family”

…

A long Silence…

…….

Me:                  “Do you think you pre-planned your children’s with a life you are having, or what everyone else’s having?

QingChao:        “I don’t see a problem there, besides, it is right way! That’s what every parent would want …”

Me:                  “The right way? How sure are you that it’s the right way, just because everyone does it, does it make it right?”

QingChao:        “Well, it seems to me, the most logical way…”

..

I can’t hold my peace anymore, my voice rises up, my hands are shaking, and tears in my eyes……

…

Me:                  “There are a thousand ways of living, but people only holding on the ‘right’ way for their children and claim it’s the best for their children. Let’s go back to the ultimate purpose of living, why we live? Just to go through every stage that’s ‘supposed’ to be at a supposed age? What we want for our children? Happiness? How sure are you that they can be happy if they never really have a chance to choose what they want?  What’s wrong with ‘wasting’ a few years of searching for oneself? What’s wrong with choosing not be a successful businessman, or an IT talent or accountant?

…

                        To love is to set it free, not control.

..

                        Every parent has expectations for their children, which is not wrong. What’s wrong is when we transfer our expectations to our children and assume that’s what they want, that it’s the best for them.

                        I want my children to be strong. I want my children to be healthy both physically and emotionally. I want my children to have set of values that can guide them through their life with honesty, self discipline and less pain. I want my children to be able to understand what’s good and evil. I want my children to understand that rules are what you set for yourselves not by others. I want my children to understand that this is their life, so they are fully responsible for it. I want my children to know that I love them, and I will be their harbour when they need to come back. These are my expectations for my children. I won’t hesitate to face the risk for what they will turn out to be. I won’t let my love for them make me weak and therefore, play it safe.

..

                        Sorry, if I might not be able to give them a big house and car, but I will create a healthy environment for them to grow up in. I might not be able to send them to the best school, but I will make sure that they are prepared for the world with their education. I won’t give them more than they need. If they need, they need to work for it themselves. I won’t indulge them with pampering, but they will have all the attention and love that I have for them. Sorry, if I can’t give them my life savings to save them from their mistakes, because I have my own life to fulfill too. Sorry, if I have to remind them about reality sometimes, but I will try my best to assist their dreams. I might not always have answers for their problems, but I will be a good listener. Sorry, if they find out I don’t know everything, I will tell them the truth - I am also learning, never stopping.

..

                        They are our children, and they are also unique individuals.   

..

                        If you want your children to have a soul, don’t manipulate their spirit.

…

…

To be continued ……

I had a very interesting Saturday afternoon.

We finally started off this new project called Cool Collectors (CC), and had our 1^st gathering this afternoon. It is a youth research panel which has been organized by my company for the second time. The purpose of the panel is about understanding the youth - what they care about, what they love, what they hate, what they desire, what they’re passion about - in other words, to see the world through their eyes. 50 young people were selected who are outgoing, trendy, independent, confident, and opinionated leaders, from ages 18 to 26. All the information that we gather will inspire any companies who target this age group, such as Coke, Apple and etc.      

Me and Cynthia have been appointed in charge of this entire project. We were not involved with the first run, so it was kinda hard at the beginning, despite the fact that we have only a few other projects in hand; we also had to do our own recruitment for this project. See, we are not recruiters, we are researchers. Though I don’t mind talking to strangers and persuade them that I am not trying to sell them anything, that’s hell a lot of extra amount of work that we had to do.

The pressure is on. The first step to make the whole programme successful is to talk to the right people, it is the most crucial part! Me and Cyn went to colleges, seeking ‘cool’ dudes, plus some of our personal friends, and yea, there were 47 of them that turned up for the 1 ^st gathering in our office. Most of them are really interesting, smart people! I felt so glad, our hard work had paid off….

It was a great party! I guess all of us had great time, we played some games and tasks. The games have their purposes - it is to find out how articulate and creative they are plus, at same time, define some of their personality traits, for instance, team work. One of the interesting tasks they had to do was to draw what is ‘passion’ to them individually. The ‘passion’ from my group has things like taking the risk, in control of things, go back to most simplistic living…all of these….my god! They are only 18, 20 years old …I was amused by their ideas and thoughts, and I felt close to them, I was ‘there’ (young) once, not long ago…… Their fresh, positive and vibrant ideas made me feel young, again! 

In the end, they had to come out with a campaign to launch a new soft drink. Some of them really had brilliant ideas! But what interested me the most is, by looking at the way of interaction among of themselves and the contributions, you can tell who are the natural leaders, who are the team builders… some of them are really creative, some of them are really enthusiastic. One thing is for sure, all of them are unique in their own way.

I am really looking forward to start the actual performing stage – focus groups discussions (FGD), so that I can get to know them better. This is an on-going programme, and it will last for the next 6 months. I believe I will learn a lot of things from these cool guys. Last but not least, it’s good to feel ‘young’ again! 

……..

p/s : My only worry is – this programme has endless potential in terms of information, but the fundamental aim of the project will be distorted if the main organizers have a very ambiguous vision or too much of self-absorption.

深的夜，你走进了我的房

烙在我唇上的 是你期望

努力推开的 不是你

是对爱的反抗

你说，爱你

无论怎样

装睡 我沉默

心的距离隔着一个未知的梦想 

I started to question myself lately, why I came to Malaysia….what I like about it, what don’t like about it….do I plan to stay…I won’t have a bad word said about Malaysia and in fact, I am quick to anger when I hear someone bash it…I know, this place has become my second home.

The lack of seasons causes time to blend together. Every day’s the same. Days merge imperceptibly into weeks, months and then years ….there’s no markers to gauge your life and your progress – and subsequently, your goals remain a mirage on the horizon, always staying the same distance away, unfulfilled…running the wrong way on an escalator….well, at least for me it seems like it. I haven’t challenged myself because I don’t need to, I don’t have to. I’m too comfortable….I used to think it was more of ‘time flies when you’re having fun’, but it’s more serious than that.

You see many expats who came here for a short stay, loved the place and when it was time to return home, stayed on….it’s unsurprisingly common. I think I know why….it’s because the place is so EASY….so friendly….so accommodating…the weather’s perpetual summer….there’s no need to learn a foreign language….the standard of living is very high, especially if you earn Euros or Dollars, so why wouldn’t you stay?!

But, while trying to explain its charms, it dawned on me how it has trapped me…sure, I’ve been compliant…..much like a victim who learns to rely on their captor. But I realize I need to get out…soon….before it traps me forever…..

It’s exactly because of this that I have to leave….It hit me hard when I was asked how long I had been here, and instinctively I wanted to say 7 years, but actually I’m coming up to my NINTH!! Sweet Jesus, I’m two years out! What happened? Where did those years go?

Do I need to leave Malaysia for a challenge? Do I have to push myself? The alternative to staying here sounds good on the surface, but it is scary to think that it’d probably be the worst decision in my life. With some serious introspection, I see now that I have a choice…..not necessarily where to go…..but why I must.

… …

            p.s: Though I am not an ‘official’ expat (more of an international student), I have very similar feeling that Al has for this place. I’ve stayed in this place longer than any of the cities I’ve stayed in China. I never thought of this place as my ‘second’ home, however, having said that, it is a place that I’ve spent the most formative and precious years of my life.

            I’ve been looking for a place to stay these past few weeks. It is not very pleasant, but I need to go through it. What has made it even sadder – the next place I will move into won’t be my ‘home’ either.

            Where is my home gonna be?   

            Am I gonna keep on moving for rest of my life?

            I have a feeling, I will.