Something meant to be shared 真水无香

Ice is like a man’s ego. Fun to crush.

       " 4 Cats! Are you crazy!"

         Yes, I have 4 cats now (each of them got its own personality), plus a python (normally very quiet) - a smelly, interesting, yet harmony family! 

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        My very 1st FULL set of golf clubs - one of the Christmas presents from my love! Can’t to wait to test it out in driving range tonight! And I really hope I can play on golf course soon…

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         KL can be such a cynical place that few things are held in reverence. No Black Tie, however, was one exception. Its closurements trying to take its place but none could tackle the diversity of genres featured in No Black Tie that made it such an insitution. I was sad when it closed down probably middle of this year, but it has made its way back!

No Black Tie, 17 jalan Jalan Mesui, Kuala Lumpur.

Jazz lovers. Check it out!

         There are good stress and bad stress. For me, the worst is handling the stress created by human conflicts. Sometimes I am amazed by how quickly and subtlety things can turn around against you.

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         It’s true that no one lives on an island. From the day I was born ‘till today, I’ve lost count of how many people have passed in and out of my life. There are lots of good moments and some very bad moments. All these experiences have made me who I am now. Thinking back, my parents were supposed to be my first social teacher, but they never really helped me with how to deal with people. Sometimes, I feel I’ve been thrown into the deep end of a swimming pool without knowing how to swim; I am struggling very hard not to drown. 

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         Some people might think I am a ‘social butterfly’, who is not only good at socializing with people, but actually enjoys it. Some people might think that is part of my natural character, which is very much a ‘people person’. If all of this is true, then how come sometimes I feel so tired and just wanna get away from everyone and live on an island?!

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         I am just like anyone else, I do enjoy good company, and spending time with people I respect, care and love. The reality is that now I often have to socialize with people I don’t particularly respect or like. And that’s a pain. Nowadays is really a good time to test my tolerance and ‘swimming skills’.

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         I believe that all of us have the ability to choose, but a lot of times the reality of the situation is a choice to either to swim or drown. So, do I really have a choice now?

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         If I have a real choice, I choose that I am only ever surrounded by good people.

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         In the end, I’m thinking that this has to do with Asian culture in general? Or has this anything to do with a person’s heart. This is followed by another strong question – what have I done to put myself into this situation?

         Someone said to me ‘stress makes a person grow faster’. For me, this is only partly true. I think it is how the person handles that stress that makes a person grow. Lately, I have come to realize that there is something very different to how I handle people now compared to before, especially when it comes to those ‘difficult’ ones. I truly believe I am now able to twist the stressful situation to help make me a better person.

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         The change starts when I try to understand a person not only superficially in the way they carry themselves, but one layer deeper. Their behaviour can be pleasant or not so pleasant and I want to know what drives it. In fact, I am more interested in those unpleasant occurrences, and after understanding the reasons and factors that drives such behavior; it helps me to grow an amazing amount of tolerance, and empathy for that person.

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         There were times that I felt I have been treated unfairly, and it is only human nature for me to become reserved and defensive. Therefore it’s no surprise that things can get worse. Through these experiences I have come to discover – I call it a ‘layer cake’ – that things have started to change. Humans are complex creatures and more often then not we act and react largely based on our past experiences, or shall I say ‘baggages’. In others words, it is like a vicious cycle, when for instance if someone has been really difficult to me, and I could start being difficult to others, like a ‘relay race’. Or when someone starts to demand things to mask their sense of insecurity, it will directly affect people around them - negatively. That’s bad: they suffer, and in turn make people suffer around them. By putting an effort to discover the ‘layer-cake’ in an individual, which in this case, is not actually the behavior of being demanding but rather the second layer of self pity or insecurity that carried by that individual. A way to break this vicious cycle is not to challenge someone’s unreasonable behavior nor encourage their insecurities but instead to show empathy; it will take a while, and it will also need a lot of tolerance and self-control, but it’s definitely worth it in the long run.

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         My immediate superior at work is an amazing lady, but she has problems communicating her ideas to others, and a lot my colleagues find it hard to work with her. For me, strangely, I found this wordless connection with her. When she talks to me, it’s as if I am not listening to what she is saying but rather I’m listening to what’s in her mind. Not only this, there are a few other instances that have shown how helpful it is to be able to see through these ‘layer-cakes’.

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         Nevertheless, I sometimes consciously compare myself to people around me, and I catch myself thinking that ‘if I’m him/her, what will I do’, ‘how can I handle it in a different, or better way’, ‘what is best way to put it, if I am her/him’. This is very different from merely judging a person, and rather it is a process of learning. One of the keys is to think of these questions very ‘subtlety’, so not to not offend people, or make people feel they have been compared.

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         By knowing that there is room for me to grow, it makes me happy.

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P/S: In the real life, there are a lot of things that are not in our control, and instead of trying change others, it might be easier to think how we can work together with others, or  it’s even safer to say – work around them (TaiQi).