Something meant to be shared 真水无香

          I found myself living double line/standard (what ever you call it). It does confuse me at the times. However, I recently discovered that this is actually a term that has been commonly used by Psychotherapy and philosophic discussions, even in Marketing.

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          ‘Double line thinking means the power of holding two contradictory beliefs in a person’s mind simultaneously, and accepting both of them’. Sounds difficult? Well, let’s say my consciousness must know in which direction my memories must be altered; I therefore know that I am playing tricks with reality; but by the exercise of double-line thinking I must also satisfy myself that reality is not violated. The process has become so conscious, or it would not be carried out with sufficient precision, but it also has to be unconscious, or it would bring with it a feeling of falsity and, hence, feelings of guilt….

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       It is such good mind-excise. Don’t forget our mind can easily trick us sometimes. Double line thinking is to show the ‘two side of story’, and find out why our mind tricks ourselves at first place, or I shall say why we allow my mind to trick ourselves. If you are ready to see yourself clearer, try it.…

       喜欢一个人的滋味和爱一个人的滋味是不同的。渐渐的发现，我喜欢上了一个人。他很年轻，很有才华，最重要的是，他很善良。当他说话时，周遭的人会被他自信的魅力所吸引，接着自然而然的赞许他的明智。

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       第一次见到他时，他并没有特别的引起我的注意，可能是因为他太谦虚所以被暂时地埋没在一群‘自以为是的’人群之中，也可能是照他自己说的，在陌生人跟前，他害羞。

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       是啊，我是很喜欢他，很在意他。我可以就这样许久地看着他，欣赏他，什么也不说，一直得这样看下去，欣赏下去。但是又能如何呢。爱的许诺，和喜欢的随性毕竟是有距离的。在不同‘世界’的两个人，所要面对的也是那么的不同。只是想问自己，为什么把自己的心给了全部的爱，却还有余地去喜欢另一个人呢？是爱得不够，还是喜欢得太深？

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       我在努力地问自己，现实和可能性，哪一个更重要。我并不是在怀疑现在拥的，只是，如果…也许… 或者… …

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       我们之间隐隐存在着的那股诱惑力让我有些痴醉，有些灼热。而我们彼此都知道彼此在现实生活中的角色，不愿去伤害任何一个人。他是很好的一个男孩（不久的将来，会是一个很好的男人)，默默地祝福他…

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       他讲过，缘分。是啊，谁又知道所谓的缘分又会如何的‘戏弄’人呢…. 在我的心里，我知道，所谓的缘分，其实参杂着太多的‘人为’想像和不可磨灭的欲望和期待…….

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       到最后，剩下的，也许只是往事。

      终于病倒了。病了有一个月了。从去英国前到现在。 不知道为什么，我觉得，是自己让自己继续的病下去。这样，才可以得到一些同情，或是找一些不伤大雅的借口。最近的压力真的蛮大，更恼人的是，多数的压力是来自于‘取悦’他人。或者说，多数的时候，我都是在用别人的‘尺度’来衡量自己。当我明白到这一点时，我感觉好受了很多，因为这样，至少在有些我无法控制或掌握的情况下可以调整那个为自己设的‘尺度’，去试着‘迎合’别人的那个‘尺度’。至少我是在一个清醒的状态下做着这个自我调整。这样不会太累。

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           活着，被人评论。

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我在想，被人挑毛病和挑自己的毛病，哪一个更‘惨’。

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我的英文一直以来都是被人评论的热门话题。这也没什么奇怪，奇怪是，我知道如果自己勤力一点儿，努力一点儿，可能，现在的英文会更好，进步的会更快，或是更完美。但是我不想。不想给自己这个方面的压力，我记得自己是怎样在4年前开口讲英文，我还是会用同样的方法来缓缓的，慢慢的，不知不觉地一点一滴的吸收，进步。我清楚的知道自己的英文水平现在在哪里，将会到哪里。我不慌，更不想让这个过程失去我本身对这个语言的理解—–语言是来自于生活。

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可是，我得先挑自己的毛病。我的英文还需要进步。这样，我就做好被人挑毛病的状态。这样我就不会抵赖，也不会让挑我毛病的人感到难过。但是，人都在什么情况下挑别人的毛病。是为你好，还是想你永远都不好。这可不一样啦！如果是为我好，你爱怎么挑都行，我帮你一起挑。可是如果是想我永远都不好，不行，帮不了你了，我得开始挑自己都有哪些比你好。

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其实，挑来挑去，挑到最终，你挑的那个人，永远都是自己。不是吗？

          Went to a wedding last Saturday night. It was at Carcosa Seri Negara where the Queen of England has stayed before. I have been to a number of glamorous weddings before, but this is first one where the bride is a local Chinese and the groom is from England. The groom is Al’s golf buddy, and we have been to dinner a few times with the two of them. All I can say is that she is a very ‘smart’ woman.

          The flowers were fabulous, the champagne was fabulous, the black tie was fabulous, and the evening dresses was fabulous….. Everything was as fabulous as the way she wanted. And as she walked down the long stairs with everyone cheering; she looked almost prefect.

          I know this wedding has been planed for a year, and all the guests were carefully selected. And I suppose it turned out just as perfect as it had been planed. Just as perfect as she wanted. Really?      

          This was what the groom said in his speech, “… when I come home, she turns on the golf for me, she is the most ‘easy going’ person I have ever met!” Wow! Good for you! Maybe not so good for her. The questions that came to my mind were - does she enjoy watching golf as much as you do? (Which in fact, I know she does not.) How long will it carry on like this? For the rest of the marriage? I bet it won’t be so ‘easy’ for them later in their marriage. Why do women let the men have the remote control once they’re in a relationship?

          And I noticed that, in most of the weddings (except the one when I was the MC), only grooms and the Best Man give touchy, loving, funny speeches. What about the bride? What about the women? Have they nothing to say? What kind of ritual is this? And the grooms, why do you always want to talk on behalf of the lovely bride, saying ‘let me tell you all what’s in her mind, what’s in her heart at this important moment’, when she is just next to you?! 

          Every woman thinks about their perfect wedding. For lot of women, this might be the only time that they will have everyone’s attention; the only time to be a true star. The only time to live their perfect fairy tale. The only time they’re handled with care. For me, firstly, I don’t really buy the whole Chinese ritual thing; I think it is a complete waste of money, and one way to get hammered. Secondly, I don’t need this sort of attention to give me an unforgettable night in my memory. I have been there, I have done that. I am just the person I am. A ‘perfect’ wedding wouldn’t give me any more or any less. Thirdly, I still can’t figure out why people take years to plan a wedding! And why the bride has to change her dress three, four times during the wedding? Ladies, why do we want to search for that perfect look when we know there won’t be a perfect look? This is not what the wedding is all about. A wedding is about two people. A wedding is about commitment. So, why does everyone try so hard to put up a perfect show? What about after the show? 

          If I find a guy (or come to realize) that I know he is the one that I want spend the rest of my life with, I will know that from my heart. That means I am committed. That I am ready. I don’t need a perfect wedding. I want my wedding to be natural, just like any of my nights out. I want it to be fun, like a small gathering that I can share with people who are important in my life. And I want it to be real - where I am, and where I am going to be. There won’t be a ‘gap’ with where my life is and where I wish to be. I want it to be spontaneous, where I don’t have to worry about what I am going to wear to look fabulous. Most importantly, I will know that I am happy. And I know I will be happier.

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          All I need is two hearts, one commitment.

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          All I am looking for is to be happy and to make him happy.

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          Err… maybe only one thing…. I want to design my own wedding dress. And I can make myself up…make my own hair….there will save me a lot…… and……..hehe..    

        What is ignorance, after all? Ignorance is the hyphen between imperfection and limitation. Ignorance signifies weakness. The greatest of human weaknesses is to be consciously unconscious of any.

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        we should always ask ourselves - do we gain knowledge by our interpretation of facts, or is it based on the interpretation of facts from others.

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        What is Fact?

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        Dose fact equate to knowledge?

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        How much weight we should give to our experences by pertred how knowlegdeable we are.

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        Is experence is fact.

You can judge a Man by what kinda woman he’s with.

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However, who you wanna be with and who you are attracted to can be totally opposite.So, I guess there is always a little bit of struggle.